Talk About a Stretch

If you liked Stretch, if you longed for Stretch, if you counted the days until Christmas so that you might get and subsequently abuse Stretch, this was all you had to keep you going through the wilderness months. A lousy 30-second TV spot.

In 1977, you would've mortgaged your house in order to help back a Stretch Armstrong movie. If you understood what a mortgage was. Or owned a house.

The point: In 1977, you would've been thrilled to hear that a Stretch movie was in the works. Just as you would've been thrilled to hear a Land of the Lost movie was in the works.

But life can be funny in an unfunny way. You get the LOTL movie in 2009, when you don't really care all that much any more. And, if all goes according to Universal Pictures' and Hasbro's just-announced plan, you'll get the Stretch Armstrong movie on April 15, 2011, when you really won't care all that much. Because you'll have to make sure your income taxes are filed that day.

But you're not bitter. You get it. They're not making LOTL or Stretch for you. They're making it for kids. Who don't know what LOTL or Stretch is. But are going to get movies made for them anyway. When all you got was a cheapo Krofft TV show. And a lousy 30-second spot.

Life can be funny in a terribly unfunny way.

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For a cleansing laugh, we recommend producer Brian Grazer's quote in the Stretch press release: "Stretch Armstrong is a character I have wanted to see on screen for a long time. ... It's a story about a guy stretching –- if you will –- the limits of what is possible to become all that he can be."

Maybe Grazer's confusing Stretch for G.I. Joe? Or a Marine? Honestly, as the above commercial demonstrates, Stretch was a toy concept stretched so thin from the get-go that by the time Hasbro got around to creating a villain, the best the company could do was ... Stretch Monster.

— Joal R.