"I was thrilled to get Stretch Armstrong. I played with that thing all the time ... until it cracked, and gooed all over the place." -- John Hildman on Christmas 1977 in Sioux City, Iowa.
Oh, John, how I know your pain. I think all of us who had a Stretch doll in our lives had a little of that crimson corn syrup on our hands.
Thank you, John, for letting us see your Stretch. Email us your pics, too.
Apparently, even Santa was troubled by the pending cable revolution...
Not sure if the script is legible, but it says, "Christmas is more than an Orange..."
Now, why it says "Christmas is more than an Orange," I have no idea. Then again, I'm not a theologian. Or a citrus farmer.
It's not clear from this classic TV Guide "Close Up," but this particular All in the Family -- about a deadly hate crime against a female impersonator, and involving a main character's renunciation of faith -- aired on Christmas night.
Yes, Virginia, broadcast-network TV used to have (how should we say?) Sno Balls.
Not to mention the will -- and the audience -- to air all-new episodes on a major holiday.
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Just a reminder, if you have snapshots or other artifacts from Christmas in the 1970s that you'd like to share, send 'em our way at: xmasinthe70s [at] yahoo [dot] com.
David Tedeschi recently submitted some fantastic shots of Christmas 1977, and they're too good not to at least share one.
This shot is literally a "who's who" of cool 1970s toys. We have Maskatron, evil enemy of the Six Million Dollar Man (still in its cardboard cell, no less), a Mego Batman Bat Lab (a repurposed Volkswagen bus, actually), Fisher-Price Adventure People sets, Mego comic action heroes, a Batmobile Exploding Bridge -- and is that a boxed Stretch Armstrong, I see, too? Just amazing stuff. Expect more from David in the near future.
If you have a photo and story to share, please drop us a line at xmasinthe70s [at] yahoo.com.
If you liked Stretch, if you longed for Stretch, if you counted the days until Christmas so that you might get and subsequently abuse Stretch, this was all you had to keep you going through the wilderness months. A lousy 30-second TV spot.
In 1977, you would've mortgaged your house in order to help back a Stretch Armstrong movie. If you understood what a mortgage was. Or owned a house.
The point: In 1977, you would've been thrilled to hear that a Stretch movie was in the works. Just as you would've been thrilled to hear a Land of the Lost movie was in the works.
But life can be funny in an unfunny way. You get the LOTL movie in 2009, when you don't really care all that much any more. And, if all goes according to Universal Pictures' and Hasbro's just-announced plan, you'll get the Stretch Armstrong movie on April 15, 2011, when you really won't care all that much. Because you'll have to make sure your income taxes are filed that day.
But you're not bitter. You get it. They're not making LOTL or Stretch for you. They're making it for kids. Who don't know what LOTL or Stretch is. But are going to get movies made for them anyway. When all you got was a cheapo Krofft TV show. And a lousy 30-second spot.
Life can be funny in a terribly unfunny way.
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For a cleansing laugh, we recommend producer Brian Grazer's quote in the Stretch press release: "Stretch Armstrong is a character I have wanted to see on screen for a long time. ... It's a story about a guy stretching –- if you will –- the limits of what is possible to become all that he can be."
Maybe Grazer's confusing Stretch for G.I. Joe? Or a Marine? Honestly, as the above commercial demonstrates, Stretch was a toy concept stretched so thin from the get-go that by the time Hasbro got around to creating a villain, the best the company could do was ... Stretch Monster.
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